11.12.2020 - 18:30
last night I had a weird unsettling dream that I don't really remember. just that it ended with Michael Myers chasing and killing me a few times in different ways and places
this is at least the second time I have a dream like that with Myers and like.. you can kill me in my dreams as many times as you like but you will never kill this boner my dude
03.12.2020 - 19:38
Finding very hard to get things done lately, and I wonder if the days being shorter now have anything to do with that. Every year I see people posting memes about the sun setting around 6 pm and how that fucks with them, but I've never really related much. In fact I've always preferred this time of the year, at least until now.
I just feel that it's starting to affect me now for some reason. I always struggle to get things done in general (ngl), but lately it feels way harder. As soon as it starts getting darker at 5 pm doing any chore just feels impossible. I just can't. My brain goes "welp, looks like the day is over" and activates the hibernation mode.
I don't think I have this issue in spring/summer either? Like sure, I find easier to do chores in the morning/afternoon, when the sun is out and there is a lot of natural light. But sometimes I need to do so many things that it ends up getting darker anyway, and I still manage to keep working. Why can't I do that now? I'm so frustrated lol.
Honestly my shitty sleep schedule plays a big part on all this, but another thing I'm struggling with a lot these days is waking up early and keeping a regular schedule so,, everything bad agdsfhd
And surprise! I'm not getting much done with my online projects either because I have too many tabs open and I can't focus on anything when I'm on my laptop lmao. Every day I wake up thinking about closing some tabs, and end up with 30 more instead. I don't know how this even happens.
Though I'm pleased to say that last night I decided I was going to close a bunch of tabs and I actually did it. I forgot to check how many I had before starting, but at the end I was left with a bit less than 150. That number might sound bad but the situation used to be way waaaaaaaaaay worse lmao
I have so many ideas and things I want to do or talk about and then nothing happens _(:3」∠)_
today I'll just keep closing tabs, tomorrow who knows
30.11.2020 - 17:33
Finally got this bitch removed from my mouth \o/
It wasn't easy, my dentist had to break it and it still took like half an hour (when the other two at the top took just 5~10 minutes each). She said it was stuck because the tip of the root was kind of fat lol.
The hole this thing left looks like the gate of hell to me, but my mom says the wound looks clean so I'm hoping it won't give me too much trouble.
20.11.2020 - 19:52
Looks like I reached 80 followers here. It's so funny to me that Neocities is where most people are following me, of all places. But I'm also very grateful! Thank you for visiting my humble site and following 💙
I haven't been updating much these days because I've been busy cleaning and organizing my room, which is a lot of work because I have so much crap...
I'm still not done, and honestly I think I never will in my life lol.
And yeah, I just haven't been on my laptop that much. I keep wasting all my free time on Twitter though. Yesterday I got the fleets update, and while many people are very unimpressed with this whole thing, I’m actually very excited about it. Really wanted to see all the dumb shit I thought people would post there and so far they're not disappointing.
The other day I saw some fanart of Ouran Host Club (I think?) and the caption was “I did this for my 15yr old self”. It might sound silly but that really touched my heart, like I found it genuinely so inspiring and uplifting?
I said this on twitter and I’ll say it here too, “I did this for my teen self” is exactly the kind of energy I want in my life.
A few days after that I saw a thread some guy wrote about wild stuff he saw while he was working at a grocery store during the holiday season. I recommend reading the whole thing because it’s gold. In one of the tweets he mentions that good things happened too, and he says: “one regular slipped me a $25 gift card and i will remember her name and her kindness until i die”.
I’ve been thinking about that part I bolded since then. Literally can’t stop thinking about it. Can’t believe some people can just come up with lines like that out of nowhere. Perhaps objectively it’s not that impressive, but it really caught my attention.
I feel like I get fixated on the most random shit
13.11.2020 - 23:53
I heard the remix of Maluma's Hawái with The Weeknd earlier today and boy
every day I thank god for Despacito and everything that came out of that
02.11.2020 - 17:30
Feeling a bit melancholic and lonely today.
I want to talk more with people but I have nothing to say.
01.11.2020 - 20:47
Happy (belated) Halloween!!
I meant to write this yesterday but I was too tired and went straight to bed. I did so many cool things like buying groceries.. or cleaning the bathroom.... 💀💀💀
Though I did eat churros for breakfast, that was neat. It had been a long time since the last time and they were SO good~ I was full of energy the rest of the day.
I wanted to do something ~special~ for halloween but I didn't in the end. I thought about watching some movies but this weekend there was supposed to be an anime convention here, with the whole covid situation they just did everything online instead, as many other events. And I spent most of my free time watching the stream to see the licenses and new releases. After that I played a bit of ACNL. Not as much as I would have liked, but I've been going to bed super early these days and I was getting too sleepy to function.
And well. Today was more of the same. More cleaning the bathroom (I'm finally done tho) and more watching streams. I'm a bit sad I didn't do anything to celebrate Halloween in the end, but at the same time I'm kinda meh lol I'm pretty pleased with myself and all I got done this weekend, and watching the streams was pretty fun anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
29.10.2020 - 18:38
At the beginning of the month I bought a couple of squishies on a whim at 4 AM. They got here yesterday and I love..
Look at this lad. He stole my heart when I saw him on the website and he was so worth it. He is so big and round and I love him.
This kitty I wasn't planning on buying at first, but it was 🥺ing at me. And I ended up buying a bunch of things on top the other squishy anyway, so I added it to the cart and never looked back. This one is smaller and it comes with a chain so you can carry it around with you. It's the cutest thing istg.
These are actually the first squishies I own in my life, and woah. They feel really good, the sensation is very pleasant. I didn't expect to enjoy it so much tbh, I'm so glad I got them~
btw, today I painted my nails. It's just the second time I do it this year, which makes me feel a bit sad. I used to paint my nails more often years ago and I miss that a lot, but also I can't be bothered to most of the time ngl.
It looks kinda yellow but it's supposed to be a bright fluorescent green. I think people call this color "lime"..? I chose it specifically because it's Halloween this weekend. I love when horror uses very bright colors, I love that whole aesthetic and felt like doing this small thing~ It took 3 coats to get to this point, which should tell you how committed I was to this idea considering that generally I find applying more than 1 unbearable already.
(I know the nail polish is all over the place but those will go as soon as I wash my hands a few times so I'm not worried.
Not like I'm going anywhere or doing anything special anyway lol)
25.10.2020 - 08:43
Just switched the site to the new layout (design? look? I never know how to call it). I'm so excited to add more stuff. I started working on the movies section too, but I'm not sure how I want to approach it...
I mean, I don't want to do something like this diary page because I want to talk about spoilers sometimes, and I don't want to leave those out in the open. I like the idea of having a gallery with the posters and when you click on one, you can read whatever I said about it. But I have no idea how to do this lol. I checked a couple of options but both of them seem to work only for one thing per page, and that doesn't work for me at all... idk, I might just create a page per movie and call it a day.
Tonight the daylight saving time ended
(is that how you say it? I hate the english language) and I got to waste an extra hour browsing my old folders and files from 10 years ago. Yay!
It was very inspiring actually. And I randomly found out VLC can do this kinda shit too:
I had no idea?? Late to the party as always lol. It's so cool tho.
23.10.2020 - 09:03
fascinating how one (1) nap can ruin the sleep schedule that took days to achieve
22.10.2020 - 13:49
What a fucking morning.
The mailman came a few minutes after I got out of the shower and I had to go get my package wearing my bathrobe. One of my neighbors saw me too... Could have been way worse though. I recently got a new bathrobe and it's bigger than the one I used before, so at least I didn't have to worry about flashing anyone without even realizing.
Today is raining here and I hate taking my umbrella with me when I have to run errands. The idea of someone taking it (either on purpose or by mistake) while I'm not looking makes me really anxious, so I went out without my umbrella, which was as fun as you can imagine. It was colder than I expected too. Wonderful weather
to stay the fuck inside.
Worst part of that was when I was crossing the street, slipped and fell on my knees. At the time I didn't think I hurt myself, but now my knees are starting to bother me a little? Probably nothing too bad, more annoying than anything. But ugh.
Then I got to the dentist and the thing I was worried about happened lol. In fact it was worse than I expected. Not only my dentist didn't remove my wisdom tooth because the area is too fucked right now, she even wanted me to take antibiotics :/ In the end I'm not taking them tho, she asked if I had any at home (which I found super weird because? why would I? if we were talking about ibuprofen okay, but antibiotics..?) and when I said no she told me to use a special mouthwash for 10 days instead. Really hoping it makes things better because I'll have to take the antibiotics if it doesn't, and I hate them with burning passion.
So, instead of an extraction I got a filling. It was in the same side of my mouth as my fucked wisdom tooth so I was hoping the anesthesia would reach that area too... But nope. 1/4 of my face is numb, motherfucker reached the tip of my nose, but not there because a bitch can't have some peace for a few hours.
After that I just ran some errands and like, I was a mess lol But just as always. Nothing worth mentioning.
This was not the worst day of my life but I'm so done. I'm done with today already. I don't even know if I want to watch any movies or do anything, I just want to go to bed right now.
21.10.2020 - 22:11
My left wisdom tooth started bothering me again last week. At first it wasn't that bad so I didn't pay attention to it, but it keeps getting worse. Every time this shit happens it reminds me of f(x)'s Rum Pum Pum Pum,
and then I'm glad I don't care about love.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the dentist and I honestly can't wait. I want this motherfucker out. I got the appointment last month because I need some things fixed, including this, and I'm a bit worried my dentist won't remove my tooth while it's acting up. That I'll have to wait until it calms down because right now the area is all swollen and shit... I don't know, we'll see. But with the virus it's harder to get appointments now so it'd really fucking suck.
I wanted to get these fuckers (I have 2 wisdom teeth left, but the other is quiet right now) out a couple of years ago, when I got the other two removed. But my dentist said that they were still too buried and it was better to wait. She is the expert here and I respect that but tbh fuck all this shit.
In other news, this year I've been watching more movies than usual (which is basically zero, so it's not saying much but anyway) and I was thinking about creating a section here on my site to list the movies I watch and talk a bit about them. Nothing fancy, just a few lines of my impressions and maybe some screenshots or gifs? I really like the idea~
These days I'm watching the Halloween series, and it reminded me of a couple of artists I found online last year that made fanart of Michael Myers. One made shippy stuff of Michael and Jason (because of that Dead by Daylight game I think?), and the other made stuff of Michael with a blonde I'm guessing is Laurie. Or maybe they were the same artist... I'm not sure, but I'm hoping I can find them again. I already liked their stuff when I had no real interest in the characters, I'm excited to look at their art again and see it in a new light.
17.10.2020 - 19:19
First post in this online diary, yay~ This is a section I see a lot on other sites and I've always liked the idea. The only reason I didn't include something like this in the beginning is that I was already using sites like Dreamwidth or Pillowfort to write blog posts, and I felt that adding this on top would be too much for me. But I changed my mind. I think it might be good for me to have this space to write without feeling the pressure of being on social media/blogging sites. Maybe this way I'll be able to bring myself to write more regularly.
This means I'm back on Neocities too. I haven't been checking this part of the internet that much these months, mostly because I've been focusing on other hobbies. But I wasn't feeling too inspired either. I've wanted to change my site's appearance for a while, in fact I started working on another version of my old layout before this ~hiatus~, but I wasn't totally convinced with the direction I was going, and I struggled to find the motivation to keep working on it. And because I was already tired of the way my site looked, I didn't have the motivation to add any content either lol.
BUT. Last week I finally caught up with the Black Butler manga after 5 years of ignoring the fandom and the canon and everything, and now I have the energy of 1000 burning suns.
Kuro is my favorite manga I really missed the story and the characters, and I was super curious about the big reveal in the last arc I heard about here and there (I did try my best to avoid spoilers, but this is the internet). It's a pity that the fandom is such a dumpster fire because I don't know what I'm going to do with all this excitement, other than dump it all over this humble website of mine.
So yeah, my dear Kuro gave me back my motivation to work on this site~ It's not what I was planning to do at first, and it's nothing fancy either, but I'm pleased with the result. I wanted to try having a ~different~ look for each page because maybe this way it'll take longer before I get tired of looking at my site, and when that happens I can change a few pages if I want. I don't need to change all of them to match, so it's less of a pain in the ass.
Also I need to talk about the header I made for the home page. In theory it's inspired by those fancy headers (or banners, or whatever you want to call them) people make for fansites, with all those textures and shapes and stuff. But well, I'm not an artist in any way, and I don't know shit about composition (or anything art related really), so I feel that the end result is very graphic design is my passion. But tbh I still really like it so I'm using it lol.
These aren't the original colors I wanted to use btw. I was playing around and trying random shit and ended up with this fucking thing somehow and I liked it so much that I decided to use it in the end. I might switch to the original edit at some point though. I also like the colors I used there a lot, and they were more similar to what I had going on here before (light purple and green).
Talking about colors, earlier today I was working on this page and decided I wanted it to be blue, and then I got super excited about the whole thing. Even though blue is my favorite color, I rarely use it when decorating my pages and blogs online. So many social media sites use it as their color and it feels weird and jarring to use the limited customization options they offer to make things even more blue, idk.
It's such a small, silly thing, but I made myself so happy lol 💙